Remember 10 and 11.
Remember 15.
Remember 17.
Remember Hemingway.
Remember Ginsberg.
Remember an important letter.
Remember to be happy.
There's so much going on in the world. Though I should have nothing to complain about, I do it regardless.
I'm seriously disinterested in what most women have to say these days...or maybe any day. If it isn't something intellectual or cynical or fucking hilarious, I'll probably be bored. Conversations about how cute this picture is or how hot this guy is or how bitchy this bitch is or how they're "totally over it" but totally not. Fucking spare me.
I found an old song I wrote a number of years ago based on a very funny picture that my friend drew. It follows a I - V - vi - ii progression (one chord per line). VERY corny melody. As far as complexity of musical material goes, this is probably the worst song I've ever written. But as far as humor (also corny), which was the goal in the first place, it takes the cake for awesomeness. But that's just me.
I woke up to find
That a friend of mine
Had turned into an ice cream man
He had a knife in his hand
I thought he would stab me
Or threaten to grab me
Or drool on
Or shoot me
His swirled, creamy locks
Were twisted into a mohawk
He just stood there and stared
As I asked to be spared
And he cried
Today was one of those funny days in which you cannot and should not take anything too seriously. I played rockband over the weekend, so this song's been stuck in my head all day. How can anyone take anything seriously with this stuck in their head? Seriously.
Aside from that, I found out my exam times for finals week. LAMESAUCE ON A CORN DOG. Every single class that's important to me (all my music classes) has its exam at 8am. I can barely wake up for my 8am classes, and I'm usually late. That week is going to be HORRIBLE. I'm gonna have to drink so much water to make up for all the caffeine I'll have in my system. At least my jury isn't early in the morning. That would suck.
I don't understand human emotions. They're so complex and simple at the same time. You can simply be angry or sad or happy or in love or frustrated, but the reasons are utterly incomprehensible. You may have a vague idea of the problem, but to be attempt to completely identify every reason would be an incredible undertaking. And if you cannot identify or understand the reasons for your own emotions, how can anyone expect you to do the same for another? Some people are good at picking up those vague ideas, but others just seem to be completely in the dark. Some people can't even identify the emotion, let alone the reason for it. Lucky for me, I usually do a pretty good job of figuring those things out; it's what keeps me out of trouble. Many people are just constantly under fire due to their lack of observation/application skills.
The real question is: is this tangent going anywhere?
The real answer is: I'm not sure. maybe I should stop.
I think my point is that emotions are lame. Why do my emotions have to go against my thoughts in cases like this? Think logically, god damnit.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
I'm back to Hemingway. I always read his short stories when I'm upset or frustrated. His diction and simplicity always strikes me in a positive way and always makes me feel a little better. Every time I read his book of short stories, by the time I finish it my worries aren't very severe. Hopefully that's the case here. I started with "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place," simply because it's my favorite, then I started from the first story in the book.
Dave did the honor of being my human journal for the evening. I don't think I've ever discussed anything like this with such clarity and effortlessness in my life. Everything I said was exactly what I should have realized initially. I recognized in myself a lot of things, positive and negative, that I never expected to see.
I constantly surround myself with controversy, as if I thrive in it, while at the same time cursing the judgments of others. I am constantly judged and I constantly attempt to deflect it and I constantly can't avoid it. Every time I try to help any situation, I make it worse or am judged negatively for my actions. It gets hard to ignore after a while...It gets hard to deal with after a while. What they don't realize is that I hurt too. Despite my tendency to be the cause for others' pain, it hurts me worse every time my tendency does its work. There is never peace in my decisions. Though I make peaceful, thoughtful decisions, flames and thunder dominate as a result of them.
I don't think I can be any more vague or specific about my situation, but it was nice to be able to articulate everything as precisely as possible in my discussion with Dave. It's nice to be told, in truth or not, that I'm not to blame and that I'm just being pessimistic. Yeah, let's go with that. Let's go back to Hemingway.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
As I rejoice about the Presidential election, I utter cries of horror at the situation regarding equality in California.
That is all. I'm tired and disgusted. I'm also hoping for a miracle in the next 48.4% of precincts not reporting yet.
Labels: Politics and Policies
Today I was texting Keith about a problem I had when he said something that made me think a lot about myself. I basically realized that, even though it's been months and months since I lived in my old place, I'm still deeply affected by the events of when I lived there. Even though I thought I became a stronger person, I'm really no more courageous than I was during that crisis in my life. I still have no courage. Why in the hell is that? How can I be strong if I can't even speak up about something so stupid? Am I really just so much of a bitch that nothing but my top 7 things is worth my time? I know that isn't true. Despite setting priorities, I still care about people and their feelings and happiness. I still want to be a good person and a good friend. Have I really lost so much perspective on the people around me that I just see straight through everything and disregard it? It's not about knowing what people are thinking; it's not about my issues with how they think. It's about me being a good person and caring about how others feel, regardless of my own feelings toward the person and/or situation. I'm happy with my list of priorities, but I can't live with myself if the happiness gained ignores or is at the expense of others. If I claim to love humanity and the world, I can't ignore the humanity that surrounds me on a daily basis.
But if I still haven't regained my courage after 6 months of freedom from my old problems, how will I be strong again?
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
I've been doing a lot of thinking during the past few weeks, and I've found that my priorities are shifting. I'm focusing more on very specific things, rather than needing to feel involved in everything. While I still enjoy doing most things and being with most people, I've developed a set of things and people I will choose over anything else. Family is a given, so I'm removing that from the list. I can't not love and care to death about my family. I can't not put them first in the event of a crisis; that would be MESSED up. Aside from that, I can sum the important things down to 7 things, and the things I really truly care about down to 6.
7) School. It's important. I need to go, and I need to do well. I need to know my shit if I want to do what I truly care about. It's a prerequisite, so to speak.
6) Politics/Current Events. I want to know that the world and all people are being treated humanely. I want to know that people can live to their full potential and believe what they want to believe without dramatically harming others physically, mentally, or emotionally. I want to know that I can trust someone to take care of those things.
5) Good food. I'm pretty sure that speaks for itself.
4, 3, 2) In no particular order: Dave, Keith, & Tina.
1) Music. I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing.
Labels: Thoughts on Myself
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
You might have noticed that I made a "rough draft" of an essay for music history in my blog. Well, I decided that it really helped me figure things out, so I'm doing it again with the development of the Italian madrigal.
Yeah...so pretty much after that whole chant to motet ordeal, music started heading in a pretty sick direction. In the 15th century, people were starting to question the Church a bit and start writing to appease the human ear. It was a "return to the values of antiquity," which was essentially returning to humanistic values. The uninelligability of the polyphonic music coming up to that point was getting pretty damn annoying because of that whole "more than one text at a time" business. It's like that Tide pen commercial. The stupid annoying stain kept talking and talking when the guy was answering questions in his interview. How rude! But they finally saw the light and decided to remove the stain and compose with just one text (though in more than one voice). There was a focus on understanding the text (what a novel concept), a movement that involved writing the music based on the text (Before, they would fit the text in "as best as [they could]") and eventually let to word painting, which I'll explain later.
One of the main guys who got this whole thing going was John Dunstable (yep! You guessed it. He's English). He had this crazy good motet tune called "Quan pulchra es," which was pretty graphic. He based the music ENTIRELY on the text, which is adapted from the Song of Solomon 7:4-12. The first half of the piece is basically describing the sexiness of some chick (sorry to all readers of the Old Testment btw for my lack of knowledge on the meaning/story in the original text). Then, the music stops. Having lured the woman, the speaker/singers simply say(s) "Veni," or "come." (Anyone remember the movie Waiting? Yeah, it's your basic "Come on...") Then he tells her what they're going to do, which is pretty much sex. What's most interesting about this piece is that it, first of all, treats the tenor as an equal. No more holding notes forever and chillin' all the time. Now they get to start working hard. Secondly, the piece is largely homophonic and the voices sing together in the mostly same rhythms.
Well, the thing about Dunstable is he's English. Nothing against the English, but in order for anything to happen you gotta get off the Isle. The important thing about that piece back there was that it was written in 1430, which was during the time he was in the service of Duke of Bedford and chillin' in France after the English pounded the French. What? France isn't on the Isle! It's on the continent. And it's hella (yes, I just said hella) close to...oh wait, it's in the Franco-Flemish region. Why is that significant? Because he's not surrounded by a freaking body of water, that's why! Alright, so the English are occupying France and Dunstable's music takes off. The people are like "wow! That's crazy awesome. Let's put it in French and call it a chanson." Even though they didn't call it that yet.
Then came some Franco-Flemish composers like Guillaume Dufay and his successors. He's most famous for his "Missa L'homme Arme," which is a parody mass (as funny as 15th cent. masses are NOT, a parody mass is just a mass based on a borrowed theme) based on a folk song called "L'homme Arme." All the movements are tied together by that theme, giving it the label of a cyclic mass. The deal with him was that, though he was Flemish, he did the much of his work in Italy serving under several Italian families.
Whoa! I bet you were wondering when Italy would be mentioned in an essay about the Italian madrigal. There it is. You know why those Franco-Flemish musicians liked Italy? Because they liked cash and that's where the cash was. (We can thank the Mediterranean Sea for that one because of its wonderful ability to transport merchants and supplies.) But hey, doesn't every musician like Italy? Yeah! Because Italy likes us.
Then, the 16th century happened! Eleven years after the invention of the printing press (thx Guttenberg!), Ottaviano Petrucci adapted it to music notation, making music easier and cheaper to publish. He published the "Odhecaton," a series of publications of polyphonic works. The issue with this printing method was that it used "triple-impression printing," a very long and laborious way to print the music. One mistake meant starting over. So in 1528, Pierre Attaingnant adapted the technology further by making a "single-impression" music printing press.
Because of Petrucci's printing press, a Flemish composer Josquin des Prez became the rockstar of his period. Many of his works were among those published in anthologies and sold as sheet music for amateur musicians. Everyone knew about him. Total badass, right? So if you want him to be in your service, he's gonna charge a lot and act like a douche. But it's worth it. The thing with him is that his music took that whole idea of applying the text to the music to the extreme. His later chansons, one in particular called "Mille Regretz," held a more homophonic quality than his early work, a quality which lended itself nicely to the sad text in "Mille Regretz." Another crazy thing is that it's through-composed, following no form, written beginning to end in that order. But wait, that wouldn't be a chanson then, would it? Here's where the new definition of a chanson plays in: the chanson, originally a work with a specific form and based on the trouvere tradition, became simply "a polyphonic work on a French secular text."
Well, you'd imagine that those Italian families would get tired of hearing masses & chansons in French, so composers started writing in "the mother language" of Italy: Italian. (Who'da thunk it?) And so the Italian madrigal was born. That's it. Madrigal (Italian) is just a word for chanson (French), which is just a word for motet (Latin). Yeah, annoying isn't it? Yeah, well Jacques Arcadelt took Josquin's style and applied it to the Italian madrigal. His "Il bianco e dolce cigno," about "dying," a nice little euphemism for sex. Then, Cipriano de Rore took the idea of the Petrarchan sonnet (if you have to ask, you can't afford it :P actually, it's just a 14-line poem with a specific rhyme scheme and rhythmic quality) and applied it to music. He also uses the text to dictate certain concepts in the music (and beautifully, I might add).
When the madrigal finished the cycle in England during the reign of Elizabeth, it flourished as a ballett (yeah, we changed languages to English, so it's time to change the name again). This is also when the whole "fa la la la la" crap showed up in music. You know why? English isn't Italian and no one wanted to translate the text. (Lazy bastards. Now I'm stuck with that crap in "Deck the Halls.") The whole composing according to the text thing took a ridiculous turn at this point and developed into a concept called word painting (basically a madrigalism, because it started in the madrigal). Basically if I say "up," the music goes up. If I say "all," every voice plays. If I say "alone," one voice plays. See how corny and exaggerated it gets? Yeah.
So ultimately, I love the Italian madrigal, specifically during the time of the late 15th century and early 16th century, because it just kicks ass. That's when the music meant something. Before that, it was too consonant and lacking in emotion. After that, it was too retardedly cheesy. But the development of it all is a very interesting process because of the cycle from England to France to Italy and back to England.
That is all, kill me now...for now I edit all the bullshit stuff I said out :D
Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama
I've always respected Powell, despite some disagreements with his stance on some issues, so this just adds the icing on the cake. Not only did he endorse Obama, he presented a real explanation that held no prejudice in any way and even expressed concern regarding the Republican party in general. He made sense because he thought it through, knows his shit and considered all sides.
Big thumbs up for Powell.
Labels: Politics and Policies
Dem - 140 yea, 95 nay
Rep - 65 yea, 133 nay
What bullshit. I am completely appalled by, not only Republican representatives (minority leader & whips), but all leadership in the House. There is absolutely no hesitation on either side to blame the other for the failure of the bill today. GOP leaders (particularly Eric Cantor) are blaming Nancy Pelosi for the failure of the bill, saying that something she said in regard to the Bush administration caused many Republicans to vote against the bill. Many of them are covering up their failure to convince their own party members, by blaming her for their votes. Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) defended Pelosi by stating that if Republicans felt hurt by what she said, that they were irresponsible to take it out on the country. Of course, he said it in a freaking hilarious way, saying that someone should tell him who those 12 representatives were so he can be "uncharacteristically nice" to them.
Obviously the bill failed because representatives, particularly "free-market" supporters, had already decided against the bill. I am disgusted by the amount of finger-pointing that's occurring. It's just one thing after another on each side and it shouldn't be happening during this crisis.
Labels: Politics and Policies
So I've got this journal essay to write for music history. I have no freaking clue where to start, so I'm gonna just try to talk about it here.
The aim is to demonstrate an understanding (which I've got, though it might be the wrong understanding) of the evolution and development of polyphony, starting with chant.
So, after the rather large milestone of accepting the consonance of the octave - as opposed to just unison - into Church chant, young boys and men sang same melody. But what about those perfect fourths and fifths?? Well, though the fourths weren't too loved later in the 16th century counterpoint (apparently they're dissonant - who knew?), in the 11th/12th centuries (yes, that's chronologically before the 16th century), the perfect fourth and fifth, started to be considered pretty consonant, and therefore chill with the masses (haha! masses...get it?). So then this whole "organum" thing (note vs. note / 1:1) came into play, especially with those fancy perfect intervals. Called "parallel organum," two voices moved parallel to one another, one singing the melody, the other singing in perfect intervals (P5 or P4) below the melody, thus creating a sense of harmony - or as I like to call it: Early Variations on the Power Chord. Of course, the thing with that is that the so-called "melody" isn't actually discernable through any other means than just the fact that it's the upper voice, so let's give it another name...hmm..how about "vox principalis?" That works. The principle voice was coupled by the "vox organalis," which, like I said before, is that voice that likes to chill at a perfect interval below the principalis.
The development of different variations of organum gave way to many contrapuntal techniques. Once all the types of motion (parallel, similar, oblique, and contrary) came onto the scene in FREE ORGANUM, there was a lot more FREEdom in harmony. (Well, you know, as free as you can be in the 12th century Catholic Church.) Free organum gave way for Florid (yay for Tenors/Tenere!) and Melismatic (yay for melismas/many-notes:1!) organum.
But shit! Here comes the Notre Dame School (which, btw, wasn't actually a school....it was just a crazy awesome group of composers who did crazy awesome shit with rhythmic modality). Leonin (compiler/composer of 'Magnus Liber Organi de Gradali et Antiphonario') and Perotin were a couple of cool cats who helped couple poetic rhythm with musical rhythm, creating the ever-awesome "rhythmic modes." And as much as I'd like to explain this whole thing...it's probably one of the more boring parts, so maybe I'll just touch on it like the teacher did :D Gotta love Parisian Organum.
The thing about the Notre Dame School that's super super important though, is the whole creation of the clausula thing. So, assuming you know what a clausula is, which I won't...so...FINE. I'll explain it: it's a section of organum where all the sections move together in accordance with the modes. Get it? Me neither. "The modes" are those rhythmic modes...like umm...6/8! Yeah that's what the fuck I'm talking about. Clausulas actually used that time signature a lot. There's this one clausula on page whatever it was (99?) in the Anthology that we listened to in class. It was crazy obnoxious, actually...then it got to the Alleluia! and pulled a D.C. al coda on our ass and suddenly sounded cool. What's pretty sweet about all this development is the addition of more voices, which eventually led to the concept of the MOTET! (Finally...I'm getting tired.) So all these voices (the duplum/motetus/vox organalis+text, tenor, etc.) freaking sing completely different freaking things and are completely impossible for a human person to understand unless he/she dissects each line individually. But God can understand all of it at once, so they figured "it's all good."
Now, all this is well and dandy...but, as a musician of the 21st century, I'm very okay with certain dissonances that would normally, in those days, not have been permitted (thank you overly strict clergymen). In fact, I (and this is apparently unusual even today) actually cherish those dissonances. They're raw and human and represent everything good and bad about our race. What's not to like? Listening to this music is surprisingly refreshing. Because I am not religious, I don't hear moral scriptures when I listen to these chants and motets. I hear everything about the time that they're placed in. I hear architecture and art and music of that time, as well as that which it is hinting at in the near future. I hear the common folks who you can't hear in the church while the monks sing. I hear all the crazy shit I learned in history. I can't get over how much I love this music. I mean, it's not dissonance, but it's still fucking gorgeous.
I'm over everything. There is nothing I can or will love more than I love music. Tonight's show was amazing and I'm really stoked. I can't get over how big of a rush playing tonight was.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
I'm starting to lose my sense of responsibility. I guess, after last semester, I'm tired of being relied on. I've been spending my time gaming, hanging with my bf, going to the park, working very little (and still resenting the fact that I have to go), dreading rehearsals, and not doing chores. Most of me is very upset by my attitude, but a small part is still relishing in the absolutely blissful, boringness of it. When I'm not musical, I'm not productive. I'm hoping that once my band gets back into regular practices and recording, I'll shape up. Then I'll practice more, want to sing more, and hopefully enjoy life more. I can't lose my productivity right before my transfer. I can't be tired of working. I have goals to meet.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
I've decided to start eating healthier and get back into exercising regularly. I've been really tired for no reason, and I've determined that it has largely to do with my eating habits and lack of exercise, especially considering my body's familiarity with exercise. I need it. And I need to stop drinking Red Bull :D So I've started making lists of things I want to work on, and I'm going to tackle one or two at a time in order of priority (or whichever the hell I want to do first).
Here's the list as of now:
-take salsa classes
-eat healthier
-exercise more
-consider an exercise circuit
-quit red bull altogether (in levels)
-read more
-stop hitting
-play WoW again (don't judge me)
-stop playing Tetris so much
-practice trombone more
-practice cello more
-get a more reliable job
-sing more
-write music more
:D
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
Am I inspired? Not particularly. For some reason, I think, when you don't sleep well for an extended period AND your life is a-OK, you tend not to have any reason or desire to write or create anything beautiful. You slip into this world of zombie numbness and are left with the responsibility of finding the way out all by yourself. The problem is that, once you've found that way out, you realize that you need to write or create something beautiful in order to walk through the gateway, back to the real world.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
Yesterday was a happening day for me. I lost almost every shoe I own to the 805 freeway. My dad left the tailgate of his truck open while he was helping me move, so we lost a box on the way. I really wish I'd had a camera with me when I went back to find them because the image was pretty awesome. They were all run over and broken, some of them were chilling out in the slow lane, while others were just sitting there, obliterated and smushed to pieces, on the side of the highway. My dad and I collected what we could, salvaged a couple pairs of shoes, then put them in a pile to look at in admiration. My fishing boots were run over a lot, but are apparently still in working condition. All of my pumps and heels for gigs and work are dead. My sneakers -- and my much-loved chucks -- are also deceased.
Labels: Life
I've written 3 songs since my last visit. (Actually, since last week.) I'm on an inspiration high, coupled with an amazing-food high and a no-worries high. I am learning to love and read and speak out. (I'm also getting a lot better at Tetris.)
What else could I possibly want? I'm in recording for my band right now (which I'll probably blog on later, seeing as I absolutely love my band) and we're preparing to gig in July. I'm moving over to State in late August and moving back to my dad's (and therefore getting the hell out of this crazy, huger-environment) on Wednesday and for the remainder of the summer. I'm really excited to be happy and capable of everything I've worked for.
Hemingway and Fitzgerald make me smile.
And so does really good sushi and Brazilian BBQ.
Labels: Life
I'm done with Mesa :] I'm gonna take a summer piano class there, but other than that...it's just work.
"I've reached the end of an era." I say that every two years, but only because it's usually true-ish.
I finished my last final at 9:23am yesterday. I finished the hardest semester of my life at 9:23am yesterday. I bought my last Red Bull for a very long time right before the final. Did it taste like justice? Absolutely. The justice of being able to take over my life again fills me with nothing but pure delight and happiness. I can relax. I can stay up late. I can sleep in sometimes. I can have enough time to clean and do laundry. I can sleep on the grass. I can have a picnic. I can go to the beach. I can live.
I no longer have to worry too much about getting home early enough to sleep enough to wake up early enough to go somewhere. I no longer have to put school ahead of my passion for music (until September anyway :P).
AND summer's here, which means my best friend comes home for the summer soon. AND summer's here, which means I have days off and therefore time to go up to Long Beach and get some fried chicken & waffles.
I get to love life again <3
Labels: Life
I am officially done with ever being forced to deal with my Music Theory/Ear Training teacher (as of yesterday at 11:53am). It is a new era. Two years of dealing with her crap and two years of slowly being driven into an addiction to Red Bull. I needed it just to get through her class every day without punching a wall, which is odd considering my tendency to keep violent thoughts and feelings to a minimum. So, by now, my addiction is at a madly high level...and tomorrow I will buy my very last Red Bull for a very long time. I'll probably still accept them if they're given to me (which happens on rare occasions), but I will not buy them and I will not go out of my way to get them. After tomorrow, I'm free from the cage of anger and caffeine. It'll just be about the music, my friends, my family, and preparing for the transfer to state. But mostly a lot of music and beaching.
Can have lots of hugs now? <3
Labels: Life
Quiet nights like this, sitting at a computer at work always give me time for reflection. Tired, depressing reflection ^_^ I keep coming back to my courage. I keep thinking about how much I miss that trait of mine. Where'd it go? I never expected that a person could make me completely lose my ability to stand up and say what needs to be said. I didn't think any person could make me want something so badly and still not do anything about it. I'm tired of always talking about doing something. Every day it's "should I?" and "how should I?" Who the hell cares? Obviously no one else is going to change the situation for me, so why shouldn't I have every reason to do it myself? And how do I keep coming up with reasons when there aren't any?
I think I'm really bored ^_^
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
I almost cried on Thursday when I read the article 3 minutes after it was posted on the internet. Gay Marriage is now legal in California! I printed out a copy of the article and carried it around with me like a teddy bear, spreading the news and happy feelings. We're finally getting somewhere and doing something about the bullcrap imposed on homosexuals. People are finally getting off their asses and fighting for what they believe in.
My trouble lies in the fact that many Californians will respond negatively to the Court's repeal. There's no doubt that there will be a call for a state-constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, so those of us who believe in equality for everyone should work toward informing and fighting it with every last ounce of energy we can muster. Please do not get so caught up in your busy lives that you'll allow the amendment (an amendment not meant to protect rights, but take them away) to pass into law. This is not something we can just sit by and let happen.
Labels: Politics and Policies
Filed at 1:05 p.m. ET
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- The California Supreme Court has overturned a ban on gay marriage, paving the way for California to become the second state where gay and lesbian residents can marry.
The justices released the 4-3 decision Thursday, saying that domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage in an opinion written by Chief Justice Ron George.
The cases were brought by the city of San Francisco, two dozen gay and lesbian couples, Equality California and another gay rights group in March 2004 after the court halted San Francisco's monthlong same-sex wedding march that took place at Mayor Gavin Newsom's direction.
Labels: Politics and Policies
I'm insecure again. I was hoping that concept had passed on with the concept of self-obsession. They do always seem to go hand-in-hand. Should I, then, assume that the latter is again present? Hopefully not. I really did go through a good amount of time during which I had little to no significant insecurities, so what's up with the sudden backtrack?
Certain people make it easier to think less of yourself, especially when it's so difficult to find real faults in those people. (Yeah, I know they're there. They always are.) At the same time, those people have the amazing ability to make you remember what you're worth and what you should improve on. They make you a better person. So am I up for the challenge? Absolutely. As soon as the semester ends, I'm going on an improvement spree.
What the hell is the problem with the College Board? First they make these bogus tests, make you take them, then don't know how to freaking answer questions about reporting the grades to a college. I asked a very specific question about electronic grade reporting and they responded (after 5 days!) with an automated message that outlines exactly what they have on the website about grade reporting in general. How disgusting. The nerve! To first have a retarded, disorganized and non-user-friendly website, then have a crappy emailing system.
UGH. Can I throw something?
Labels: Life
I went to Red Sails Inn with a friend on Thursday. I don't think I've felt that happy in a long time, which is a bit remarkable considering my constant state of happiness. Being there reminded me of my childhood, and it was kind of impossible for me to wipe the stupid grin off of my face.
The restaurant is on Shelter Island, overlooking Fisherman's Landing and H&M. Based on the decor, you feel like your on an old, early 20th century fishing boat. I used to go there all the time with my dad to eat clam chowder (because it really is the best clam chowder in San Diego). I always ordered a ton of oyster crackers with the chowder and an appetizer of calamari strips.
Well, this time when I went, the sun set while I was there and we were sitting next to the window, so I saw the docks at night with the lights and peaceful atmosphere. I really miss fishing. I haven't gone on a trip out to sea in a few years, but I never realized how much I missed it. Half the fun is just the trip out, standing at the bow while the boat moved in the direction of the Catalinas or down toward Baja. Then the other half is the fun of having a fish on the line, fighting for everything it's worth.
Labels: Life
Labels: Thoughts on Myself
I will never finish updating these lists, but here they are.
List of things to do before I die:
- become fluent in two more languages
- travel!
- take a bunch of upper-level math classes
- study philosophy
- be a teacher
- all that settling crap that i don't care about right now
- really love someone
- study physics
- study optics
- go to the Super Bowl
- volunteer for an organization outside the U.S.
List of things want to do daily:
- not drink Red Bull
- one-hour work out
- practice cello
- practice trombone
- interact
List of things I love:
- cooking
- fishing
- the outdoors
- my friends
- my family
- calvin & hobbes
- music
- my best friend
- my job
- dogs
- remembering I'm cared about
- gaming
- reading
- singing
- playing cello
- playing trombone
- performing
- football
- walking with friends
- chilling in the grass on a sunny day
- jamming
- thunderstorms
- "smell pockets"
- hugs
List of things I don't like (note lack of the "h" word <3):
- my music theory teacher
- obsessive music theorists
- close-minded people
- bad politicians
- corporate crap
- money (just because I need it doesn't mean I have to like it)
- diamonds
- doormat people
- disrespectful people
- overly selfish people
- spiders
- child/human trafficking
- being "set up" with someone purely based on income. screw that.
- the need to kill
- my inability to express myself clearly
- my hypocrisy
- feeling unloved
- not having a bathing suit
Things I don't understand:
- the desire to kill
- a hell of a lot
List of things I care about:
- the 2008 presidential election
- any election
- child/human trafficking
- education
- the existence of war
- the earth
- my family and friends
- teaching
- music
- public health
List of places I want to go:
- New Orleans
- Seattle
- San Francisco
- Chicago
- New York
- Nashville
- Ireland
- Italy
- Egypt
- Taiwan
- China
- Japan
- England
- Germany
- Switzerland
- Hungary
- Turkey
- Sweden
- Netherlands
- Brazil
- Peru
- Argentina
- Mexico
- Canada
- Philippines
- India
- Vietnam
- Korea
- everywhere?
Labels: Thoughts on Myself
By Me, with a Hemingway spin <3
On a dark, cold night, an old man crosses a street. His street-crossing isn't particularly fast-paced. In fact, it's extremely sluggish and tired. He pushes a wheelchair as a crutch for practicing this walking thing. He's pretty focused on the walking thing. He's focused to the point of losing touch with his surroundings. By the time he reaches the midpoint of the journey across the street (and the first half takes a good few minutes as it is), he's really focused.
A silver Camry struts along toward the T-intersection across which the man snails. Inside, two ladies calmly chat about their days and their weeks and their futures and their presents and their pasts. A dark figure appears in the road. The driver reacts to the presence of the figure by bringing the car to a stop and waiting for the old man to cross. A few seconds later, it hits them.
A car hits them. The lady in the car didn't slow down, but she keeps saying that she saw the old man too. It's all her fault, she says. Here's my information, she says.
Here's ours, the two ladies say.
Here's the old man's information, the silver Camry's passenger says. He's a little gone. He was just out for a walk to practice walking. He just came from dinner with his family. He doesn't have an answering machine.
All ladies enter their cars and go on their way. The old man continues walking. The two ladies in the silver Camry go to Urgent Care to check their necks. The passenger is having neck, jaw, and head pain. The driver is too. The passenger of the silver Camry continues having minor neck, jaw, and head pain. Her arms hurt too and she can't lift heavy objects.
The next day, the insurance calls. The lady who hit them said she didn't know who's fault it was, they say. That figures, says the driver of the silver Camry.
Guess what! It's also my favorite Disney movie!
"According to the answers you have just chosen you are most like the Disney Princess Ariel.
Headstrong Ariel means to follow the rules but rarely succeeds. Like many teenagers Ariel does not feel understood and is forever trying to make her friends and especially her father see things her way. Fiesty Ariel has a mind of her own and it is so full of romantic dreams about the world above sea and its amazing inhabitants.
She is a bit naive and sure the human world is a happier place and she spends her time yearning to be like humans and collecting their castoffs. Her irrestible attraction to the human world leads to all sorts of adventures. By the time Ariels wish to be human is finally granted she realizes that there is something to be gained from a fathers wisdom."
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
Holy crap...I can't believe how many possibilities there are! I printed out this list of musical scales and it's pages and pages long. So beautiful. I'm going to play every single one and highlight the ones I dig :] Then I'll probably post them for any musicians out there (namely my best friend).
Labels: For Fun
I hate limitations. Though most are self-inflicted, I can't seem to stop them from existing. I feel like I have no real control over certain realms of my life and every day is a constant fight for authority over myself. I've developed enough control to appear in control, but I'm tired of blocking everything out and acting like nothing is wrong. I'm happy, so why do I feel like something's missing? Why do I have to fight to keep a smile on my face? I shouldn't have to. And, really, I don't need to; there's too much to be ecstatic about. I just need to sit back and watch an ol' feel-good movie favorite of mine. (Too bad I don't have any movies! :P)
Labels: Thoughts on Myself
So I lied. I don't like everyone. In fact, some people get on my very last nerve to the point of wanting to throw something at a wall (but never at a person!). Granted, I didn't get much sleep last night, so my capacity for patience was/is much smaller than normal.
But that's how it is. There's never any love or comfort around when you need to be told to stop whining. And it's hard to move on from something when your friends were offended in the process. When I have problems with people I have a tendency to forgive pretty quickly, but when the problems are directed at others someone's got to get pissed about it. (And that someone is me! :D) Unfortunately, in many cases there's nothing for me to do but stew and let the anger pass.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
What happened to my poetic abilities? I think they've disappeared. [Dramatic Vador-esque "noooo"] Is it because I'm happy? Can't be.
I miss being able to write well. Since I learned to write for classes, I've lost my voice. Now I feel like I'm all about structure or the rules (which I sometimes prefer to break anyway) to actually have any real eloquence or interesting voice. Listening to various music this morning, I remembered how annoyed and unsatisfied I am with my own poems and/or lyric writing. I can't really seem to dig deep enough to say what I need to say. [Funny image of a friend chiming in with John Mayer's "Say what you need to say"] I have plenty of inspiration...I mean seriously. Take a look outside or on the news and you'll see that there's plenty of inspiration to go around. I'm going to start working on my creative abilities as a writer again. Yessiree.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
My mind's all jumbled but I'm happy. I'm over the stress slump of the semester and headed toward new ideas and a new way of thinking. I marvel and wonder at the world and it's complex simplicity. The world is gorgeous and people (as individuals) are beautiful. Despite my old inclinations toward general pessimism (and though I refuse to back down as a cynic in certain aspects), I choose to be optimistic about life for myself. If that makes me childish or immature (if that's what you think, because I don't), so be it. I'm figuring on the general tendency for my life to not be nearly as bad as it seems. There's always something to be had whether it be a fresh, crisp breeze or a friendly smile. I just know that even after hours of everything going wrong, I've still got someone to make me laugh and something to remind me of why I love being outside so much.
Labels: Life, Thoughts on Myself
While reading a gay friend's blog I found one of the most disgusting and hateful comments I've ever read. A so-called friend of his basically told him he was going to hell because homosexuality is a sin (and she used a quote from the Old Testament Leviticus 20:13) while spouting out little "but you know I love yous." What the hell is her problem? I can't stand people like that. On one hand she is basically full of hate. On another she's pretentious and cowardly. On yet another she's a selective reader. I can't believe anyone would have that much nerve. She dared to go out of her way to post on someone else's (a friend's!) blog about her crappy opinion. It wasn't even properly thought through. She had no real argument and no real opinion because she was bouncing back and forth between "you're a sinner and you're going to hell" and "you know I don't have a problem with gays in general but..." Don't pretend you have no problem with someone while you tell them they're life-choice is a pretty big problem.
People like her absolutely disgust me on 3 levels: she's full of hate and judgment, she's superficial and fake about love and respect, and she's a coward about both. Why don't people like her stop hiding behind a book and thinking about other people's so-called "faults?" They should take a look at their own lives before judging others.
Labels: Life
Nothing really does the job of making you feel all cozy and fuzzy inside except a good ol' Disney classic. Especially watching with good friends. It sucks not owning any movies (curse you, student life!)! I'm pretty much totally down for watching Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews, anyone?), The Little Mermaid, or Aladdin. They're pretty much my favorites (and Mulan! But that's not really a "classic" per say). So now I'm pretty much searching a site my coworker told about a while back that has movies on it. I doubt there will be any Disney...but let's hope. Help me hope!
My dreams have been dashed on this one. There are none.
Labels: For Fun
Sometimes the people you're most afraid of are the people you need to open up to most. When you're stressed out, you'll avoid the act of communication that could possibly keep you sane. That person you're avoiding seems evil and scary over time, until you finally talk to them and you realize just how reasonable they really are. And how sorry you are, despite what everyone else made you think.
Labels: Life
Everyone is so governed by cowardice these days, myself included, and it's pissing me off. No one seems to have the nerve to talk to anyone about anything or the nerve to do something about their lives or the world around them. All I do is talk about the issues and, while I intend to do something real about it when I have more time and/or money, I'm frustrated with the fact that I just sit here and complain. I can't do anything until I'm at least through the semester, then all I can do is vote and write to congressmen. I want to be involved and volunteer my time and money but I have none. I'm limited, but so are the many people and students who help regardless of their own limitations. I feel selfish and spineless. Is wanting to change good enough? Can it wait until summer? Is it even appropriate to ask such a stupid question?
Many of my friends and other acquaintances do the same thing. They avoid situations that they should be confronting and close their mind to reality to protect their own personal interests.
The greatness of this entry is the sheer hypocrisy of the whole thing. I choose to only complain about the fact that I complain too much and don't take action.
Labels: Life
The upcoming election is most definitely going to be one of the most drastic political changes in a good while. Considering the extremely high level of unrest and discontent with the Bush administration, it seems almost impossible for the people to allow for an insignificant election. We have to and will push for a realignment of the current system. How else could the current presidential nominees each stand such a good chance? The country is no longer looking for that mellow, centrist view. Ideological boundaries are finally being redrawn in favor of fearless discourse. I can actually tell the difference between parties!
Maybe this concept of real argument and involvement will trickle down into my peer group as a good idea. Or maybe it already has, despite my experience. Things are changing, after all.
Labels: Politics and Policies
It's inevitable. Right before Spring break you get 3 big projects which, though not necessarily due the first day after Spring break ends, will require quite a bit of your time. The projects themselves aren't that big of a deal, in fact...you plan on working on all or some of them over your break since you won't be working or schooling that week.
Then it happens. Nothing. That sweet, sweet nothing that you haven't experienced since last summer. The feeling of relaxation and content with the world.
"Look how beautiful it is outside! What right do I have to stay inside and let the sun shine so brightly and the flowers bloom so fragrantly without acknowledgment?"
So you acknowledge it thoroughly...every day...all week.
And now you're finally here: Sunday. Tomorrow you have school again and you haven't worked on any of your projects. While it isn't immediately detrimental, you know what you should have done, especially considering how busy you'll be in the remaining time. And you know that maybe 2 of your classmates had the drive to get started. Every other classmate is in the same boat as you.
So you look outside again. Isn't it beautiful? May as well enjoy the last day of break outside. There won't be another one for several months after all.
Labels: Life
The effect of a smile is incredible. Today, within 3 minutes of walking into work, I observed a change in a coworker who tends to smile a lot. I thought something was wrong , so I (along with two other coworkers) asked about it. He had no idea what the hell was going on or why we noticed such a change in him.
He ended up interrogating me about what I meant by a "change in his mannerisms" because, of course, I had no idea what had changed. So we discovered that the chief reason was simply the fact that he was smiling less. (And fidgeting more).
I thought it pretty interesting that a smile (or lack there of) could really make that much of a change in the people around us. I've seen people cheer up after a really tough day just from seeing a genuine smile from someone else. (sometimes it could be anyone!)
Isn't that just beautiful? Let's all smile more :D
Labels: Life

The big headline on New York Times this morning has everything to do with morals. Granted the guy's their governor so they have every right to put him on the front page, but why is it even a minor story on the front page for my San Diego Union Tribune? So he was a client for a few high-end whores. Whoop-dee-do. That's his and his family's business. And yet America insists on treating public figures like pieces of meat to pounce on and rip apart. His wife and family are the only ones who should have any say in anything. But because of his public office, his poor wife has to stand by and be supportive while he apologizes to the public for having sex with other women.
GET REAL. Here we are, no matter our personal obligations and morals, judging him as if we're all saints. Spare me.
Related Articles:
Aides Say They Expect Spitzer to Resign - NY Times
GOP to push for NY gov impeachment - San Diego Union Tribune
Labels: Politics and Policies
Daylight Savings ends today. Finally that clock I never set back will tell me the right time! Too bad I lose an hour today though, considering I have a big music theory analysis project due tomorrow and I haven't had a chance to start. I also have to clean and go to a rehearsal, not to mention actually getting into normal clothes from my PJs. We'll see, we'll see. Probably won't end up practicing today either.
Man, so much for the "I'll be productive today!" concept. At least the day is utterly gorgeous and I have nothing to really complain about.
Labels: Life